Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie

New Porn Order/1st Strike

Dede and Craig were featured in scene two.

Genre: Vignette

Director: Summer Haze

Summer Haze and Brianna Beach had the best lesbian scene of the movie.

Cast: Victoria, Colton “Jimmy” Jay, Dede, Craig Valentine, Brianna Beach, Summer Haze, Robin Lee, Ron Jeremy, Sierra Snow, Sammy Cruz, Vainey Cruz

Length: 158:12 minutes

Robin Lee was a babe!

Dates of Production: 7/15/2007, 7/21/2007, 7/23/2007, 7/30/2007

Extras: There were few extras worth speaking of here, the best being a 6:59 minute Behind the Scenes feature that mixed some interviews with Ron joking around. It could have been a lot longer and more comprehensive but at least it added some of the ladies in a different situation than their scenes. There was also a slide show and some trailers but that was it.

Sierra Snow was a cutie too.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie was presented in a non anamorphic widescreen color with an aspect ratio of about 1.78:1 a shot by director Summer Haze for New Porn Order. The lighting was generally decent, limiting the grain and video noise a bit though I did see some edge enhancement and aliasing. The show looked a lot like the Bang Brothers titles with better lighting for the most part, the shaky camera a little too aggressive in moving around and the dynamic relying more on raw energy than technical brilliance. The composition of the sex scenes was pretty solid in making the ladies look as good as can be expected given the circumstances, still keeping the amateur look (primarily of the introduction sequences where the cast gets to know each other) but otherwise providing a straightforward experience. The bitrate hovered in the mid 4 Mbps range as I spot checked it, with few compression artifacts observed; the editing in need of polishing up in most of the scenes. The audio was presented in the usual 2.0 Dolby Digital English using the standard 192 Kbps bitrate for the audio. The vocals were seemingly captured by the microphone attached to the camera so there was no separation and the dynamic range was limited but this is common in the genre.

Sammy and Vainey Cruz gave Craig a hummer in the final scene.

Body of Review: Summer Haze is a busty blond gal making porn in Florida these days with her partner Craig Valentine for their company, New Porn Order, on what tends to be really tight budgets. Not trying to compete with the yearly blockbuster flicks that garner all the accolades or provide the biggest name ladies in their scenes, the pair often find some of the newest talent outside of California using a variety of methods they keep secret from their competitors. Their latest fuck flick is a play on a mainstream horror spoof (in name only) called Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie; a series of six unrelated scenes where newcomer ladies have sex under the pretense that Craig blew his budget at the horse track gambling with Rob Spallone. This leads to a variety of sort of funny moments as he spends the majority of the time convincing the cast to proceed with their roles, budget be damned, in order to gain exposure. Ron Jeremy is even on hand to provide further comic relief, the legend still able to dole out the dicking with some of his own brand of comedic self deprecation to make the movie work better than it would have otherwise been able to. If you’re still interested, here’s a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that the cast was not credited but at least they weren’t condom happy either:

Scene One: Victoria, the lean gal getting plowed on the lower left hand corner of the front cover, was up first as Craig explained to her that the budget went south and he could only offer her a bus ticket home if she performed. To add insult to injury, her pick of partners went from the mighty Evan Stone to minister Rod Fontana to a dreg moron named Colton “Jimmy” Jay; the guy wearing goggles as on the cover photo. Colton played the role really well in an over the top manner, perhaps taking his cue from an idiot in Atlanta named “Mike”. In any case, the sex itself included some oral and vaginal by the couple, neither showing a whole lot of aptitude or chemistry but still coming across as likable. She had a stripper’s body with a decent rack, Craig telling the two what to do as they took off their clothing and followed the program. I’d have done her if asked and her improvisational skills were better than his if only because she went with the flow and tried to keep it “real” to the extent that they let her. She was no stranger to a cock in her mouth and the boning was on the weak side but she showed enough potential that I’d like to see more of her. The population pudding went to her chest and face, very little of it from the average sized dick as expected.

Scene Two: Dede, a curvy brunette with a ripe rump, was up next as she found out the lack of payment to be had as well as the requirement that she settle for doing Craig Valentine on camera in her scene. Of interest here was the fact that the camera was static most of the time, set to catch the action in a celebrity video sort of way on the crappy motel room bed. She’s the gal with the look of Susanna Hoffs standing above Ron Jeremy on the middle of the right hand side of the cover; her oral skills substantially like that of a gal doing a boyfriend she was kind of miffed at. It was a slow, seductive hummer though and better than her vaginal screwing at first; her passive nature changing midstream to show she had it in her to do decent work once into the action as she pumped her hips on his rod. He busted a nut on her stomach and made her laugh; her implants looking worst when they were shown the full light of day.

Scene Three: Brianna Beach, a cute gal with light hair and a nice ass, and curvy Summer Haze, the bleach blond on the middle of the front cover, were up next in a lesbian scene. Summer made Brianna look tiny by comparison but also took thematic control of the scene as the dominant partner of the action, each gal going down on the other on the black couch in the office. They used a cucumber and some toys to penetrate each other as Craig coaxed them on; the scene not as enthusiastic as either of them has done in the past.

Scene Four: Robin Lee, the hottest looking gal of the show by far, sported some very nice titties and a fine ass as she interrupted the playful verbal bantering (some would say bashing) between Craig and Ron Jeremy on the rooftop nudist pool area used in other NPO movies (the Rooftop Resort in Hollywood, Florida). The joking was cute but I was more interested in seeing her do the deed, showing Ron some loving as the couple did oral and vaginal screwing. Ron may be past his prime by a few decades but she was hot and given a bit of an incentive to perform more actively, she could be something special. That was not the case here though as she was largely passive but the way she spread her legs sure made her ass look fantastic! This was the shortest scene in sexual terms though and she took the ass pop well but I wanted to see a lot more of her.

Scene Five: Sierra Snow, a lean cutie that met Craig Valentine on the rooftop, went back to his room with the padded red walls to have a scene with him. He had wood issues and she laughed a lot, the oral leading to a generic porking of her biscuit on the bed. They did a lengthy 69 with the static camera limited in terms of showcasing any heat or energy, Sierra actively riding his modest member until he popped a load to her face.

Scene Six: Sammy Cruz, the tall brunette standing near Summer on the cover, and Vainey Cruz, the gal with reddish hair on the far left side in the middle, were up last with Craig Valentine after he gave the lack of funds speech. They were wearing colorful undies and the POV nature of the scene wasn’t horrible as they teased him with some blowjob fun. I was surprised that this was only a blowjob scene by the ladies when they finished him up with a handjob but the scene also had the most energy of the entire movie (by far).

Summary: Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie by director Summer Haze for New Porn Order was likely the lowest budget porno I’ve watched in a very long time and it showed in almost every aspect of the production but there were some bright moments that I enjoyed too. The sex was often weaker than I wanted to see and the casting relied too heavily on ladies with limited experience but I still felt the DVD was worth rating as a Rent It in spite of the technical issues it had. In all, Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie might have done better at parodying the general porn dynamic but perhaps future volumes will improve upon the kind of show it was trying to provide.